This could be called negative thing in this so called “positive” and “moving forward” world. I don’t care where others are heading but I don’t want to follow their trail. There is some day when we achieve something like getting appreciation mail, getting reward, promotion, award, completion of project successfully. But when getting to bed in the night, to me it feels like now what? Is it all? People asks, what is your goal? Some reply, to become billionaire. But what then? The life will not stop there, you have to move forward, set new goals to move more higher. And for that you have to be more competitive and come out with innovations and strategies to beat up everybody to ease your movement up the ladder to you goal. So, it is concluded all these goals are not ultimate or final or permanent. That’s my favorite word permanent. From a long time I am seeking to acquire this word permanent. But what I experienced, this word doesn’t exist. Nothing is permanent in this world. The biggest example is our own physical existence. Then why to talk about other things. Our hunger, thirst, success, bad times, good times, prosperity, fortune, our age, our state of thinking, not a single thing is permanent here. Then what is it which drives us all.
So, I was talking about getting to bed. And then I think the day is over, and tomorrow new day will commence and will end like today. May be I will achieve something tomorrow, I will get some new experience with doing something unexpected. But at the end of the day, it will be zero. It will be nothing. What I do with the appreciation mail? So, the only thing in this world appears to be an ultimate goal is death. After that, there will be no more hunger, greed, cravings for appreciation, attention, lust , pleasures.Nothing! So for me at the end of the day before going into sleep everything becomes a big zero. May be this is negative thinking if you want to label it. But I have my reasons and rationality behind it.
Every time whenever i had to make a decision, I find myself with two choices, like two divergent roads. The inner self says to follow one road and the physical form said take the other one. It doesn’t matter how small or big the decision is there are always two ways of doing it ( most of the time). The conscience said take the long way which is filled with pain and misery, and will require a hard work rather smart work. The physical form which wants comfort and ease everywhere and every time wants to take the road with less stress. It becomes harder and harder to live with conscience in this modern life where people ask you to take rash decisions and to take the road will be profitable for the business. But inside you have this light of spirituality, conscience which will not let you take that road. Will question you, will produce doubts against the physical form. May be the physical form is a devil who is mean, greedy and to quote my friend “lusty to its core”. It has its own motives and intentions contradictory to the goodwill of conscience. The conscience on the other hand is not attractive at all, and will not ask you to think about the results but will lecture you to work hard and glory will follow you eventually -kind of philosophy.
Which one to follow? This question gives rise to one doubt. Do I know about my existence? Talking about the inner self and outer self I have lost myself. I am in war with me continuously. Mostly when I am in public places. It is in solitude, I feel like my inner and outer self are in peace. That is one of the reason, I doesn’t enjoy outings and public interactions. Because the conflict within can really make me torn apart and life doesn’t look in peace.
“How can I feel liberated when my soul is trapped in this physical form and it in a irrational, judgemental, insane society protocols and conventions.”
“If you are comparing your child with your neighbor’s child, then make an effort to compare yourself to that neighbor, you will find the reason.”
” “I Condemn!”, what a weak and helpless word from the mouth of the leaders of the “SUPERPOWERS””.