Last time it was summer of 2012, when Darren lost the first battle due to his philosophy that people will wait for him. He was wrong and has been wrong for most of his life on this particular front. The front of love, affection, relationship. Nobody waits, atleast after throwing so many cueballs. But our guy is rational bastard, and seeks saneness in every action and conversation. He tries to break the code and seldom believes in the thought of defying logic which is contrary to the philosophy of love or affection.
So, it happened again. But the guy is reasonable in his approach. Being an introvert and empathetic, forcing his emotions on other person is not a piece of cake. The social anxiety had restricted him to encounter any easy and direct interaction with others. It takes longer to understand the other person and our guy takes little steps in such endeavours. But the world is in a big hurry, may be they have multiple options to choose from. But he doesn’t have that luxury. Like the April 2012 fiasco, the latest tragedy was absorbed very laboriously. And hopefully the pain will get off his back soon.
This time it was tough to decide to go for it. As it was a crucial year of 2007 when board exams were nearing. To go for it, will surely make studying for pre board exams very difficult. But took a leap of faith, and like the previous year cleared open trials to get into the training camp. This time members were less and the training period also was reduced. Apart from that everything was same, far flung sports complex, the quiet roads, the big enclosure. On the pretext of a lie, that the training ground is closeby, I was able to get permission from the family to join the camp. Again the wrath of December winter was same as earlier.
The ruthlessess of warming up session didn’t change either. And there were known faces meeting up again from the camp of ’06. The guy from K.V. OFD was not there this time though. The final day arrived, and with it arrived the announcement of my name, selected in the final squad. We didn’t get kit this time on the spot. But I was more than happy. The national championship of ’08 took place in Nagpur. Was a great experience of representing the state. Missed first three exams of pre board though and failed in one miserably.
It was a great feeling to clear the open trials for the Junior Volleyball state team. And to get an opportunity to join the camp with 30 odd members squad, from which only 12 will make it to the final team to represent the state, at Vijaywada. But it took a big toll on us, driving to the sports complex 11 kilometers far from the heart of the city, into the quiet outskirts of the town. Adding to our woes, was chilly winters. Returning back during night after the training, required hell of courage to face the cold. The complex was scattered over a big area. And had beautiful enclosure that contained 4 volleyball courts. The warming up sessions only were so tiring. And that followed by smashing, lifing/raising practices. There were very good players beside us, so it was a tough fight
And after some 20 days training at the camp, the final day came. For my disappointment, I was given very less time on the ground of action. And was called off quickly. But still I gave my best and was having hope to get selected into the final squad. The announcements of the successful candidates started in no time. On the spot, the chosen ones were given the whole kit (Jersey, Lower, Shoes). I always dreamt of wearing one. But fate didn’t give the chance to accomplish the dream that day. It was a heart breaking day. Went home, didn’t speak much. It took few minutes standing alone on the roof, to eventually burst out in tears. The failure always is unacceptable, even if you are not good enough.
It was our second attempt to reach DIS and convince them to organize a volleyball match with our team. It looked a desperate move. Yes, desperation to judge our playing abilities and where we stand, by playing with a stronger team. A team that is funded big heartedly by their management, stood taller compared to us. Also our coach was adamant on having this match happen as she has trained them too, previously. That attempt bore positive result and we started warming up on the volleyball ground cum basketball turf. The match went well and we gave our best to even try to stand up erect in front of the mighties.
We lost 2-1, but it was worth playing to see our follies and pros. The best part was the refreshments served at the end of the match. It was a very generous and kind gesture from the DIS management. The flavored milk and rusk were an ultimate combination to satisfy the hunger arose post match and a true refreshment after a hard lost sets. In the future we had an opportunity to face them in All District championship, but it was averted fortunately or unfortunately.
In a modern world, when the insensitives thrive, the contrary trembles with insecurities and looking at the downfall of humanity. The savages have taken over the society and profit undermines the well being of people. The act of kindness and senstivity towards human emotions have become the obiligations of very few, enlightened ones. Although they possess the light of self awareness and empathy, yet feel themselves very weak. It has become hard for them to survice the cruelty from the hands of the materialistics and the superficials. It has become difficult for them to escape the irrational and spontaneous weapons of the less self realized monsters, pounded towards them ever since they revealed themselves. They revealed their sensitive nature, and became weak since then.
With great power comes responsiblity. The responsibility to be quiet at odd times. The responsibility to not do harm to even your haters when the time throws an opportunity to do so. And for the dumber majority, those become acts of weakness. So, yes, weakness is an illusion in the minds of the misunderstoods. It takes up a lot of strength to even think along those lines. It takes a hell lot of courage to fight the inner demons that provoke the sense of ruthlessness and savagery. The sensitives look weak from the outside, but the inner strongness cannot be ignored on the pretext provided by the inhumane.
Being an introvert, I have a strong love for my room and I need a bigger force to move me out of it on weekends. Mostly the time is spent over internet and with a great WiFi speed, the time flies on Youtube. There are many channels that I love and like to watch all through. Listing some of them below:
jaby koay : This is owned by Jaby himself who reviews and give reactions on videos of different genre. It is interesting to see as an Indian, how a guy from other country or culture reacts on Bollywood movie trailers or Indian Web Series.
Munchies : I like this channel for discovering lifestyles, cuisine from around the world. Also it is interesting to watch chefs, restaurant owners doing extra ordinary work in their fields.
THE NEW ADVENTURES OF LUCKY LUKE OFFICIAL : This is just because my fondness to Luck Luke cartoon. I have been watching this cartoon when it used to telecast on TV. And finding it on internet, with good quality videos on this channel makes me nostalgic.
Guilt Free Vegan : Being a wannabe vegan, this channel gives a great information on diet plans and options for the same. I have taken some of my healthy eating options from here.
Comme une Française : Being fascinated by French language, I subscribed to this channel and felt, it has a different approach to teach French vocabulary and phrases.
Introverts Web Series : Again being an introvert, I liked it. But they have not rolled out any new episodes from a long time though. The three introvert mates, explains some of my situations.
It was not long back that I questioned myself regarding the bad diet I was having. It is good to eat and especially in a country that is known for its sumptuous cuisine, but healthy intake is a must to prepare for the future. In next few years, the body will start losing muscle mass due to ageing and gaining it will require a tiresome efforts. So, why not to become enlightened today and save our future.
With the same intent, I brought and carried forward small changes to my diet, finally reaching a point that gave birth to new eating habits that fortunately were healthy and nutritious for the body. The things started with sprouts, that looked tasteless in the starting, but were well inducted after few days. Also the oatmeals, soy milk, bananas, almonds, dates became a permanent companion of my diet ever since. The calorie deficient diet worked wonders and gave me fruitful results of fat loss (especially losing some love handles).
Green tea was part of my daily mornings from more than one year and with it now I have more healthy things to eat in my list. Also working out and making habits as rituals helped me to see good results in two months. For the starters, I initiated the exercises including push ups, legs raised. And slowly added planks, sit ups, jumping jacks and crunches to it. Having a set goal on the counts and reps (sets) of these exercises, made it disciplined and productive. The soft workouts became rigorous in no time.
Finally, there is no strict rules, I have kept on my eating. Apart from the calorie deficient program, I don’t mind occassionally eating out with friends. That doesn’t make any difference or bad effects, as the habit of healthy eating and working out have been inculcted strongly into my routine.
It looks like a mere chance that I exist. Starting a journey from a sperm and getting lucky with the various opportunities to evolve at different stages of life proves it strongely. While walking, the question of existence pops up suddenly, how I reached till here? Where am I? And why I am? It can’t be expressed in words. Looks like I am an observer, looking astonishingly over the wonders of nature, being part of it. Everything that is out of my control, is a mere chance. And looks like most of the things are, unfortunately. The chain of events have decided the fate, the destiny. But why there are predefined obligations, rituals, conditioning that have been imposed on, that make us a slave of existence rather that feeling free. The freedom eludes us and same with the peace.
While interacting actively or passively, I question my existence, my physical capabilities, my senses. I feel nothing outwardly but inwardly it makes a whole new and huge impact. Looks like that is what exist, and this physical world is one illusion, a dream. Dreams at night looks real and the reality pertains otherwise. Time is passing, passing very fast and I am just observing the world run over me. It looks like nothing matters, everything leads to nothingness. Everything become zero at the end. Nothing is gained. Nothing is lost. The law of nature nullifies everything that happens with or around me. This existence is a question like a black hole, sucks in the question but never provided an answer. This existence is a dream then, irrational, chaotic and yes a mere chance.