“Time has come to say goodbye, say goodbye,
Hearts are heavy and they sigh, they sigh”.
It is really that hard to say goodbyes. That feeling itself, gives an agony to the loins. Fills the heart with the immense ocean of sadness. But being mature, Simr pretends, that nothing moved, it is all calm outside but the inside the agony is same as he felt when he was a kid. He remembers, bidding goodbye to his uncle and aunt that day, but didn’t find his cousin, as she rushed inside home when noone noticed. That is kind of fear of goodbyes. The feeling tears you apart and it doesn’t matter if you are mature or a kid. Only difference is, as an adult you have to move on.
Bidding farewell to the collegue, that day, again instantiated that feeling. The thing is, this looks like a cycle that repeats frequently. The goodbye situation triggers engrams, the traces of same old traumas that freshen up those old wounds. The old cuts are open again and exposed to the merciless and powerful time, which is playing us. Same instance reminds all the old memories from the school, college, family. So, it is just temporary pleasurable moments and permanent drifts that we face in our life. So, the pain can be seen in the beautiful lines below.
“Adieu, Adieu my friend, Adieu, Adieu, Adieu,
We can no longer stay with you, stay with you”.
Everyday going to the office and coming out to the main road, I see this graveyard. Blistering with peace and quiet. An environment I cherish. But only unwanted part is death. The death of not physical being but more of the dreams, desires, wantings. The things can be accompalished when the individual is aware of its physical as well as mental abilities. This graveyard being a negative symbol, still instills a feeling of an inspiration, a motivation to the already dead soul of mine. It tells me that the time is ticking, it reminds me about the wrath of the passing minute. The ruthless and powerful time that takes away the childhood, youthfulness, prime of this decaying body. It takes away the people around you, gives you wrinkles and puts you under constant changes. And for a homeostatis person like me, the changes are off-putting.
Thus I look down to it, the graveyard as a reminder to do things before it engulfs me and takes away all the opportunities my life can give me.The grievousness of it, makes me feel more alive. It provides a reason to be exulted before the flame languishes into the peace of it.
She was slow, as can be seen from her driving speed that showed consistency at 20km /hr at any circumstances, while going to school. Her voice was so thin that once reading the story of poor Mrs Hereira from the textbook, it looked like she would start crying. She was not weak but very sensitive and felt the emotions strongly and affectionately. Her strength could be seen when she beautifully showcased her feeling, feeling of love to the lucky guy. It was clear and strong but the receiving end was dumb enough to ignore it. And the luck was not ready to plummet, and provided more opportunities and chances for the two souls to get together. But as fate had it, it all went in vain. The beautiful girl owing to her nominal pace gave fair chance to him. But the guy owing to his own obligations and rationality, ignored, ignored and ignored. And till the time, this late bloomer, analysed the things, it was already very late. Still the girl had feelings for him for 3 more years after they moved out of school.
During that time the guy tried to talk her out, but failed miserably. He didn’t have the art to woo a girl. And one day, when he tried to move a step forward, came crashing down in the conversation. A girl that can love somebody so passionately, can hate him, too with same intensity. And the reason of hate was valid and legitimate. She mentioned, “Her second love is more fruitful than the one sided first love”. The curse, was so strong that the effect is omnipresent. The curse, that he got while not obliging to the true value of the true love.
It is amazing to know that going for Bachelor study of Philosophy in Delhi University, provide an opportunity to the aspirant to profess a subject called “Logic”. What makes human different from other classes of living beings can be summarized in one word – Logic. The rational beahavior of humans, give rise to society or organized groups that is significant to run this world in order. The essence of self realization, the understanding of our thinking – to – act process, give rise to some logicality. The motive of our action has to be justifiable to make the logic proud of humans. But listening to news (I avoid it directly, but some acquantance mentions it), or observing on our own the deprivation of humanity at public places, work places, etc, gives a contradiction. There is no doubt that actions and thinking are out of sync. The rationality has gone out of the human circle to take a stroll in the darkness of chaos and haphazardness.
The utter failure of the word organization, is the very tangible outcome of absence of logic from the dictionary of many so called humans. Looking at the current scenarios, the families, societies, states, nations and the world as a whole is tearing apart and are at a brink of collapse. And why am I so much sure that lack of logic is the sole reason? Because in a logical world, why an individual will irritate, provoke, harm, kill, rape, harass, rage, others. In a complete darkness of ignorance, where logic can bring a ray of light and enlighten the animalistic minds, surely can put an end to such injustices and abnormalities. Being a human, we have got this powerful tool of logic and there is an utmost need of saving it apart from saving the tigers, the natural habitats and other species.
The people who are sensitive, this word is not alien to them, but so much familiar that they breathe it in and out everytime. This induces fear, anxiety, skeptics, doubts in the individuals those understand basic humanity, are self aware and self realized. It is like a payback for the good qualities they wear. The services like sincerety, honesty, sensitivity, obligations, responsibilities, empathy are constantly used by the highly realized humans and in a perfect world, there could not be any problem with having such rich and aesthetic amenities. But in this world of imperfections and the majority of people walking up and down in their ignorance, the negative implications on such high traits are very much palpable.
The majority doesn’t understand the value of such authenticities. They doesn’t care about the human qualities which is an irony, sadly, as they are categorized under human race through their physical attributes but the soul has been sold to devil. In such an environment, the poor people having rich qualities of humanity are left vulnerable to injustices, anxieties thrown upon by the monsters. They are challenged and provoked on the grounds of evil, that leaves no option but to take a flight or remain silent. This action is taken as victory by the devils and they become more stronger. It seems in the world of dragons, the innocents are slained everyday.
The plan was clear by the school principal Mrs. Gilmore. The plan to take the new class twelth science students to the Science exhibition at St. Sherman school. Simr was all set but after the assembly, was taken out of the queue on the instructions of strict Mrs Gilmore. He was not in a proper uniform, the vest was missing. Through the white school shirt, it was very much evident. It was embarrassing, that the crime was announced aloud. But he was shortly joined by two more of his classmates, Regan and Vaizan, for some or the other reasons related to the uniform mishap. Regan was as close to him as the proximity between their homes. All three were waiting patiently for the next instructions, standing on the wide assembly area. The sermon came, they had to pack their bags and need to leave for the day to their homes. The punishment intended them to miss the exhibition. And they accepted that fact. Following each other, they went into the classroom, disturbing the sanctity of the educational environment, looked upon with the revulting eyes of the fellows.
They were guided to the exit gate by the computer teacher. And were left on their own thereafter. They were still shocked but digged on the lunchbox of Vaizan to enjoy noodles. They wandered for some time all through Curzon road before bidding goodbye while divulging their ways to respective homes. Simr slept for a while and after waking up decided to get textbooks for the new session, that started already. He bought the books and in a sheer coincidence, met his classmate Miss P, who also enjoyed the title of being his secret crush. To make things awkward, Simr was spellbound and left the place quickly. While going back he just took a look at her, she was standing by a two wheeler, smile on her lips and curly hair falling on one side of her face. Her rosy cheeks, proliferating beautiful radiance into his dull life.
It looks lika a trap, the more I am living it, the more I find myself getting into the swamp. The swamp of superficiality, materialism, physicality. Yeah, I am talking about life, but not as a positive lie or fancy packaging that people try to sell as motivational mentors or teachers or healers. The bliss is all temporary, and pleasure seeks payback in the form of pawning morality and honesty. That is kind of a hollow reward for living a life. The run for survival is ruthless and everyday of winning looks like another day of pain earned and added into it. The meaningless interactions with the imperfections of others, doesn’t give solace but more doubts and discomfort rise up.
Carrying the basic humanity, compassion, honesty and sincerety looks burdensome to many, so they shrug themselves off of these and wear a lie, a manipulative mask of indecency. The feeling of empathy is eroded and insentivity captivates the humans cum zombies living among us. They are the ones thriving and bullying the minorities, the rare ideals, the perfectionists. They become the cause of suicides that happens in a boarding school or a college or anywhere that gets exposed to such mercenaries from hell. Thus, the life is nothing but a trap for those who think like a human and not like a mere physical body with diminishing humanity.
It was a strangest scenario that Simr faced, when at the age of 10, he suffered headaches. His mother being superstitious, took him to the palmist, to find out the reason. The weirdly silent guy, investigated the palm, and made a conclusion that the boy’s eyesight is growing weaker. So, the next stop was an oculist, who again investigated but not the palms this time. On the contrary, he took heed of scientific equipments and gave a number on the prescription. It was not his mobile number but power of the lenses, the eyes needed to correct the deviation in the eyesight. So, he was the only one, who use to wear glasses in his family. Even his grandfather looked at him with pity. And not only this, it was revealed that he is the only one among his cousins, to wear this distraction for the people who interacted with him. He was teased a lot and got a bunch of nicknames, some popular ones being- “Chasmish”, “Chasmuddin”, “Chokha”, “Four eyes”, etc.
It was in class tenth, when the story name – “Without Glasses” appeared into his English textbook, and it came to light in the classroom when Mr. Rana (the honorary teacher of English), decided to go through it. He was a bespectacled teacher with an average height but great command over English language. It took two days to finish it, going through turns of reading by each of his classmates. It talked about a guy who lost his glasses, and felt miserable in doing his daily chores. He went to the optician, but didn’t read the words properly in Snellen chart. He gave wrong readings because he was not sure of the words appearing. At the end it concluded with a notion that, people without glasses have missed something in their life. And while reading that line, the two (English teacher and our guy), looked at each other and smiled. They were the only ones with glasses on. He wore the glasses with pride then and after.
It was back then in school, when an intriguing story of two lovers caught my eyes. It was part of our curriculum that featured a protagonist who revealed to his audience that he met a couple living in an island with minimal goods but an eternal power of love binding them strongly. Going back to their history, it gave a shock to the protagonist, that the girl was the popular princess of one kingdom that made a news very long back when she eloped with her poor lover, a common dweller in her father’s kingdom. So, he found a treasurable love, the love that didn’t diminish over the long period of time. They had nothing fancy, but had enough in the form of their togetherness.
Is it real? The true love? A relationship that is above all superficialities, misunderstandings. A love that is platonic, thoughtful, committed, honest, sincere. Hard to observe such examples in today’s world. Most of such things are seen in movies or books. Both looks as an ideal dream of a perfectionist who wandered earlier to find it in a real world. And after observing its impossibilities, turned inward to write an imagination, an ideal scenario on paper. An ideal scenario of true love.
Apart from mentioning writing articles as my interests in Resume, listening music is the other one. And its really feel good to reveal my favorite playlist that I return to in my solace or solitude. It includes very old as well as new ones. So here the list goes:
Empty by Ray Lamontagne
Words by Boyzone
Eric Clapton – Blue Eyes Blue
Adele – Send My Love (To Your New Lover)
Avicii – Wake Me Up
Juice Newton – Angel Of The Morning
Eminem – Lose Yourself
Wake_Me_Up_When_September_Ends by GreenDay
These Days by Nico
Where Do You Go (To My Lovely) – Peter Sarstedt
This Time Tomorrow by The Kinks
Life’s been good – Joe Walsh
BOB DYLAN & JOHNNY CASH – Girl From The North Country
Carpenters _Top Of The World
Mike – Blue Eyes
Darlin’ – The Beach Boys
Everyday I Love You – Boyzone
Five Hundred Miles
Raindrops are falling on my head – B J Thomas
Carla Bruni – Quelquun ma dit