Posted in Introvert

Coming out of closet…..as an introvert.

Coming out of closet is an idiom that means to talk publicly about something you hid about yourself. Mostly it is used by LGBT community, and the idiom itself implies that what kind of reaction you will get from the public upon this new discovery.  It will be scary, and possibly unacceptable by the “perfect” people around you. But what about coming out of closet as an introvert. In some places it is met by same kind of response like the ones shared above to LGBT community. There was one aunt who told me once, that I should come out of my shell or I will become an introvert. It is not something you become but you are probably born with. And it becomes stronger and stronger as you grew up and the qualities like listening, quietness, compassion, sensitivity, high realization, self-awareness enshrouds you.

Understanding becomes a great barrier in the interaction of an introverted person to the world. In schools, colleges, relationships, workplaces: the misunderstandings grows wildly like a vine. Your intentions are questioned. Your motives are doubted. Your solitude is not respected in a world where group thinking is honored and revered, where the talkatives take over the world leadership, where the dynamic and spontaneous personalities outshines and overtakes the gloomy characterstics of introvertedness. The world would be a better place if compassion take over. But sadly the ruthless leaders take center stage while the world tear apart in their mighty hands.

 

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Posted in Introvert

The art of ignoring

Being an introvert, the best way to survive from the awkward glances and interactions from the provocative people who always intend to put you in miserable conundrums, is ignoring them completely. Boycotting these people, same as popular transportation boycott of Rosa Parks, is the best way introverts can deal with a situation of forced injustices thrusted upon them by the so called social protocols that doesn’t fit into its real contexts. Such interactions in schools, colleges, even workplaces become hard to stop or control, when, for instance, the school seniors take advantage of your non violent nature or a group tries to induct you into their malpractices in college, but you show disinterest silently, altogether. Also dealing with the immature colleagues in office is not only possible but unfortunately rewarded by other like minded goons. It is really infuriating to find yourself in such situations amidst pretentiousely educated folks who can’t even differentiate between bio-degradable and non bio-degradable waste.

I have personally used ignoring such people, as violence or arguing is not my cup of tea. Also spontaneity is not in my blood either. To give mean replies to the mean things said by the bullies is also not in my quiver. Therefore, here I am among the ones who prefer flight over fight. We live peaceful, having self awareness and self realization of our inner world, but ignoring intentionally the outer world, lost in our own train of thoughts. And giving attention to very scarce bunch of people who might be like us, use ignoring as a tool to survive.

 

Posted in Introvert

The Counsellor

Being an introvert in a workplace, give rise to its own set of challenges that could be same in nature as personal ones, but different in approach of providing solutions altogether. The image I have at my workplace is, that of calm and composed, but that is pretentious as the inner nature is in contradiction. The irony is, being a rarest of personality type, INFJ, I feel the pain of others as my own, especially the ones who are closer to my heart; I counsel them when they approach me, so working as per their perception of being an enlightened one. But actually, I am not. I fight with my own insecurities as much as the external factors altering my position as a whole. For example, changes in the work environment, deviation in tone and behavior of peers from the benchmardked one ( the one I set on the pretext of previous interations with them). These things makes me anxious as hell. But I try to keep my composure on a downside as the energy to openly tackle such problems have more demands to meet the limited supply I am allocated to each day.

So, coming back to the counsellor role, feeling the pain of others and helping them arises when the topic of it is discussed by them with me. And as a hardcore introvert, I don’t help people until they have asked for it. But the moment they turn towards me, I am unstoppable. The empathy outbursts, and the mission to pull out these poor souls from the swamp of professional miseries, becomes only motive of my own dreary life. Only irony is I may have my own problems building up, to which I have to devote a considerable amount of time and effort to come up with a solution. But talking one on one as a cousellor, feels good as it renders us to bring out our power to heal others. Which appears true, depending on the success rate of radiating positive impact on these suffering people, most of the times. But, without a degree in such vocation, will not fetch a full time career. We, INFJs, are born with such power is not enough to practice it professionally, other than working and polishing the skill on co-workers’ problem statements. And honestly my clientele is very small as of today, seeking counselling help, but it is satisfying.

Posted in Introvert

Why I don’t talk much?

I have seen people who are magicians with words. They play around with words, they can persuade anyone and they can impress people with their conversationalist power. They boast with confidence while communicating with small or large group of people. But being an introvert, there is a lack of interest in me, of speaking all the time. It has several reasons. But most highlighting are the following:

Speaking comes from inside: The more you think, the more you talk to your inner self i.e. thinking aloud and intense. The conversation is spectacular but without words. This kind of conversations can be recreated in the outside world very rarely with people. There seems to be no motive in speaking sometimes to someone. The speaking or conversation begins after taking consent from the inner world. And when this permission is denied, sorry, no interest or intention to stretch the conversations or even initiate most of the time.

Conversation topics are deep: People don’t want to go deeper in the conversation. That promotes superficiality i.e. on the surface. We, introverts don’t like superficial talks. We want to dig the surface and go deep inside the conversations. Unfortunately, no one wants to dive deep into those topics. We have selective topics, which are mostly not liked by the people. So, we don’t open are mouths in such gatherings.

Intellectual Talking: Our mind and soul prosper and grow, including intellect into our conversations. We won’t settle for less. We need to have healthy, intellectual talking. We won’t subdue in front of downgraded conversations. We cannot immerse in such talking, which destroys our self dignity, self respect. Intellectual conversations makes us grow, gives more satisfaction post conversations.

Cannot talk for the sake of talking:  Some people just talk for the urge of talking. They don’t have motive, or any considerations for the other person. They want to talk about themselves. The talking between strangers met in a bus or train could be an instance. People try to initiate conversation to pass their long journey. I like to sit on window seat and look out for the green fields and different structures, houses. I can look endlessly outside and think a lot based on my observations.

Don’t want to open up:  Once you open up with people, they try to take you for granted all the time. That is the thing I hate a lot. I have mood swings. I will not be interested in talking to you in the morning, because of some work which I need to complete. And in the evening I will be ready to go with you on tea and talk about fun things. But really trusting people, that they will not take advantage of our opening up, is tough. Because I cannot be the same person every time.

Disinterest of people: And finally, people don’t want to listen, but talk. There is a lack of good listening skills in people. They take talking as some kind of competition. They want to dominate you and your thinking by giving talks. They will cut you over while you are presenting some words of your own. This happened to me when I was a kid. And this is one of the big reason I don’t want to speak, when nobody gives a damn.