The old city is far behind. But not the few whom I left. The place is empty and shall remain like that forever, is the bitter truth. Those are irreplaceable, is what I have known after four weeks of coming here, here in the new city. Still coming closer to the native is a sign, a sign of relief to meet the family more often. The new city bridges that gap, the gap which was there earlier to the native city. The new city offers promises and tells that it will take care of me like the older one did. It shows me the warmth with humidity that was absent in the older one. The warmth is overwhelming. I have asked it to become little cool like the old city. And looks like, the things are cooling down. Which is a good sign and removes one of the many complains. The use of auto rickshaw is too much that those drivers know me. Also after charging me highly, they justify it all through the way of source to destination. I can’t retaliate but agree.
The eyes seek pattern to match it with the old one. The mind try to match the places with the old one, but fails, which is reasonable. Life is on extremes, it never balances is what I have learnt all through this transition. This transition has come up with its own set of lessons. The stability, the comfort which was acquired in the old city with respect to friendships and professional expertise are on stake here, as the things will be worked out from scratch. The experience gained earlier will help in the onward journey is the only hope keeping me together in one piece under this huge pressure of proving myself once again. Hope things work out well.
New in the city for the purpose of graduation, was the only thing he was striving for. And while going to college in a dreadful blue line bus, that day met with a little change in his life. A girl approached him. She was a known face of the newly established class, where most of the students were still strangers. She introduced herself and sat with him. As usual, things still felt normal to him owing to his philosophy of not getting impressed by people so quickly. A guy who never had a female friend took things lightly even when the other males of the tribe (class) were more shocked than him about this new event. Wrong rumors got air and thus both got into a false relationship as distributed by the gossip mongers as intended. It is hard to be talking to a girl it seems in a so called modern world, he thought. The class looked more interested in their affairs, and things proceeded with no twists or tragedy as might be imagined by the class masses who looked filmsy.
The things eventually lost attention, when the girl later came up with her real boyfriend from senior class. Still, the guy who looked not fallen into the line of rumors, could recall the time spent with her, during viva exam preparation or notes preparation. Also eating spring rolls one day on a little eatery at Phantom road that made him pay for the meal, could still induce a soothing effect on him. But he knows how to be in control. Such feelings can make him nostalgic but can’t overwhelm him. He moved ahead with life as usual. No love lost, no love found.
“Excuse me? Can I walk with you?” – A sharp amplitude of voice struck his ears and he was bewildered for a moment. The face went blank, asking for more explanation from the naive beauty that was standing in front of him. The street he was walking in was named “Park Road”, was dark and quiet. The trees were looking big and scary and there was nothing on the road but two of them. From where she appeared was a mystery, as he was engaged so much in his loud thoughts that apparently were hitting his head furiously. The girl wanted to cross the fearful street, with someone’s aid. Somehow this guy was the only option, and looked trustworthy, the former had more weight on the reasoning than the latter. “Sure”, was his answer, without making any eye contact. He was worried about something deep hidden in his mind. Looked like, he heard a very bad news and continuously trying to recover from it but was drowning into it, fiercely. The girl felt more uncomfortable due to the silence of the living things, especially this man, who was looking straight to the end of the street where the darkness was ending. The longing to reach there was perpetually very much evident on both of their eyes. Only difference was, the girl’s eyes were bright and sharp but the guy had doubt about the hope of something good at the end.
“Why you are holding that mobile on your hand?”- the girl inquired as a sharp observant. He felt the shiver, identifying he was clinging on it like a monkey with a banana. With the slow whisper he uttered – “I am waiting for a call”. The call that will never come, the call that is dead, the call that went missing in the loud voices of his own mind palace. The thoughts anticipated and were hopeful so much, that he has an intuition that it will come, but never came. The walk ended on the cross road of dark and the bright street. But his hopes never brighten up. The wait was long, the call was pending. He went on the left of it, leaving the girl on the crossroad with many questions and shock. He never said goodbye as the word has lost its meaning over the years.
A millenium that boast upon showing off rather actually mean things or convert the flamboyant speeches or words into real actions, it becomes hard for the logical population that surprisingly exist on a small number as minority, to take a stand now and then. In an era where the positive terms means different to different people owing to their common sense and take on intellectual subject matter, it really is hard to categorise himself into such terms for a honest person. The terms, for instance, “nationalist” and “religious” are becoming the matter of debates and arguments over the world. To be religious can mean two things unfortunately, that you go to worship place everyday to just show off or you are actually doing some good deeds out of humanity for people to make a positive impact. I am afraid, but former is becoming a more popular trend than the latter that encourages inclusion of moral values and basic humanity. When people like to go to pilgrimages for more out of vacation mood than truly being spiritual, the question arises to be or not to be such kind of religious.
Also for the sake of instilling patriotism into the masses, when wrong means are used by the so called “nationalists” leaders to completely re fabricate the meaning altogether, the same question of to be or not to be such a nationalist ponders into the heart of our sensibilities that we have, undoubtedly, sold in exchange of materialist goods and physical lust. The world burns while the things are only spoken rather worked upon in real sense.
Everyone is different owing to their mental capabilities and long years conditioning. Then why the crazyness of bringing together two opposite beings into an institution called marriage? It is becoming more and more a failure, in a modern world, for two people to get it together, to fit, to adjust. More the people are understanding their own virtue, the more they understand that this binding is not possible at all. As the motive only serve procreation, which have had bigger signficance in the older times, it is better to abolish such a traditon like other older meaningless traditions lost its meaning over the time being it sati system, for example. How much time it will take to understand that it isn’t working anymore.
For the question of preservation of individuality and uniqueness, for the betterment of the nations by reducing the population burdens, and also to reduce the future savages taking birth into this world, who can potentially harm the sanctity of the already less secure nature or ecosystem, it is better to put off this mushy show of love, which is in reality a way to satisfy carnal needs of humankind. And just for getting into the fairy tale woven story of forever love, but on the contrary, just provides a support to the overall demands of materials that are unnecessarily giving an opportunity to capitalists to provide supplies. Supplies that exploits nature and become scarce thus giving rise in cost of the materials. It is becoming a vicious cycle where impact on one component of it, have bigger and long term effects on other components. It is a misfit, having a immoral motives and giving rise to greed of society as a whole.
From past week, was wondering why goal driven personal projects are not attaining completion? Then I compared and contrasted those projects with my professional work. How come at work, those get complete well in a stipulated timeframe. So where is the difference? What is lacking? Fortunately, I saw the pattern and figured out that having a timline is the most important thing and makes all difference. Like a professional project or assignment, has a funding for its completion in a 4 week window (one iteration in Agile methodology). This gives a clear idea to all stakeholders as when the product needs to be expected or demoed. Also the roles are clear to each and everyone as what has to be done. The pieces created by system engineers, developers and testers fit at the end when everything is integrated.
However, this is not the case for my personal projects. I gave a goal but not defined its timeline. The goal could be to lose this much weight or have a healthy diet or build some new application, or prepare for any certification. The common observation I had seen in life, is that the flow breaks after initial pumped up sessions towards that goal. And that is because, you guessed it right, no timeline whatsoever. No way to see or evaluate the progress. That is the big thing missing here. The projects are small and self centric, so question of human resources (or team members) is out. It is metaphorically the sole hole in the sinking ship. So need to remedy that out. And hopefully to take personal projects to closure with that strategy in mind.
Got a message on WhatsApp from an unknown number. A lost love recalled, it seemed. It was her, whom Arjan proposed five years back and she declined. After that, so many things happened in his life. College and then back to his business. He was passionate about the gift shop, he was managing, until this fateful day, when he encountered the unknown “Hi”. She revealed herself and normal conversation spurred and eventually blossomed. He was cautious as he was surprised from her actions. He wanted to make sure if she is genuine and it took exactly twenty two days, to be honest, for him to do so. The love was in the air and the things were going pretty well. A girl dumped by her ex, ironically was showing fondness for him now. It took this rudeness from her ex, to realize the pain of Arjan when he was rejected by the very same girl. The promises initiated from her side extended towards him, by her own desire.
When the love affair became serious, suddenly the ignorance, dominating phase started to take shape. The calls were cut short. The messages became one sided. The desperation became one sided. He was taken into surprise again, when she again cut him completely. Why? Was she bored again? It looked illogical and unreasonable. She came from nowhere and went into abyss in no time. Meanwhile, the heart broke again. And questions erupted to surface like a water bubble. It was like a provocation the bullies do to the nice people. He was the victim for certain in the hands of a bully.
Travelling back home, he looked at his co passenger for the first time after settling his luggage initially (which was one hell of a task) and collecting his composure on one of the hottest days of May. He was surprised, it was her. Still young and fresh like she was in that coaching center where they prepare you for engineering entrance tests. So many years have passed till this day, and here they were, in the vicinity of the second seater compartment of Janshatabdi Express, waiting on the platform number 13 for unknown reasons, passed its scheduled time of arrival by a complete 10 minutes. It was a long journey from Toronto to New Delhi, and now he was only 6 hours away from his destination. Their eyes met and greetings were shared but in a lackadaisical way. May be the outer feelings showcased obverse implications on the receptors. The past would have been enough to ignite even little anxiety inside, and it surely did but hidden under the layers of social values and owing to the intoversion nature which both of them possessed. She was married now and having a beautiful kid back home waiting for her arrival after she gave her promotional banking exam in Delhi on same day. She worked as a clerk in a bank at her native. They were quiet, but in their respective soliloquies, so many questions erupted at once. The situation became awkward but being introverts, they took the responsiblities of it on themselves.
The train was on full swing, and he inquired about her life and career. She gave brief answers with the same old sensitive and heart touching voice she always had. She looked happy, not sure it was due to his presence or her life. Back then, they had feelings for each other, but never outspoken. The inkling remained dormant deep inside. The words never looked sufficient to express the feelings they had in their introverted world, then. So, the hints and assumptions made its way that never helped them. The time passed quickly and one day he saw her wedding photos in her facebook profile. She looked stunning and delectable. She looked like an impossible dream to him, drifted farther away by the wind of social stigma. And then he wanted to move more distant, out of her way forever. But on the twenty first day of May, they were sitting together, speaking occassionally, so that the inactive valcano of feelings doesn’t get erupted again. The destination came and he bid her farewell, as her family was waiting on the platform. She didn’t make eye contact and left taking lousy steps. The weather was cool after the sudden rain pour, he felt the shiver standing outside the railway station. But looking at her from far, smiling, warmth his heart. He signalled an auto to take him home. She, sitting amidst her husband and kid, looked at him for the last time and wondered about the reason why he didn’t marry. Was she the reason?, the thought resonated and echoed inside quadrupled without an anwer.
It looks lika a trap, the more I am living it, the more I find myself getting into the swamp. The swamp of superficiality, materialism, physicality. Yeah, I am talking about life, but not as a positive lie or fancy packaging that people try to sell as motivational mentors or teachers or healers. The bliss is all temporary, and pleasure seeks payback in the form of pawning morality and honesty. That is kind of a hollow reward for living a life. The run for survival is ruthless and everyday of winning looks like another day of pain earned and added into it. The meaningless interactions with the imperfections of others, doesn’t give solace but more doubts and discomfort rise up.
Carrying the basic humanity, compassion, honesty and sincerety looks burdensome to many, so they shrug themselves off of these and wear a lie, a manipulative mask of indecency. The feeling of empathy is eroded and insentivity captivates the humans cum zombies living among us. They are the ones thriving and bullying the minorities, the rare ideals, the perfectionists. They become the cause of suicides that happens in a boarding school or a college or anywhere that gets exposed to such mercenaries from hell. Thus, the life is nothing but a trap for those who think like a human and not like a mere physical body with diminishing humanity.
It was a strangest scenario that Simr faced, when at the age of 10, he suffered headaches. His mother being superstitious, took him to the palmist, to find out the reason. The weirdly silent guy, investigated the palm, and made a conclusion that the boy’s eyesight is growing weaker. So, the next stop was an oculist, who again investigated but not the palms this time. On the contrary, he took heed of scientific equipments and gave a number on the prescription. It was not his mobile number but power of the lenses, the eyes needed to correct the deviation in the eyesight. So, he was the only one, who use to wear glasses in his family. Even his grandfather looked at him with pity. And not only this, it was revealed that he is the only one among his cousins, to wear this distraction for the people who interacted with him. He was teased a lot and got a bunch of nicknames, some popular ones being- “Chasmish”, “Chasmuddin”, “Chokha”, “Four eyes”, etc.
It was in class tenth, when the story name – “Without Glasses” appeared into his English textbook, and it came to light in the classroom when Mr. Rana (the honorary teacher of English), decided to go through it. He was a bespectacled teacher with an average height but great command over English language. It took two days to finish it, going through turns of reading by each of his classmates. It talked about a guy who lost his glasses, and felt miserable in doing his daily chores. He went to the optician, but didn’t read the words properly in Snellen chart. He gave wrong readings because he was not sure of the words appearing. At the end it concluded with a notion that, people without glasses have missed something in their life. And while reading that line, the two (English teacher and our guy), looked at each other and smiled. They were the only ones with glasses on. He wore the glasses with pride then and after.