Posted in Life

A Conversation

After signing the visitor’s register, was directed to a room. A room filled with candidates, more than I expected. I heard through some trusted source that openings are very limited. But it was a Saturday morning in a country whose every nook and corner is filled. The situation never changes but becomes pathetic day by day and worsening. Remembering the walk out of a prestigious engineering exam center ten years back and finding myself among many, surrounded completely, hasn’t changed anywhere since then. Took a seat and the flow of candidates was down pouring like the August rain in Dehradun; never-ending it was. Sitting quietly, the conversation started within. The two companions of mine, one positive and another contrary started playing their usual chords. “You should run away. Don’t you see the influx of the audience, who came to actively participate in the play titled- ‘Job’?”.

It continued, “There could be one opening as stated by the source, and there could be a best candidate sitting somewhere in the room”. I started glancing the yellow shirt guy who appeared and sat in the chair that was facing me. I could feel the confidence in his eyes. I took an assumption and declared him the best one. The good came again in picture. “The best might not give his best today. But you can try to give your best that can certainly overwhelm and win you the job”. I gave my complete consideration and virtual nod to this point. Let me be me. The expectations are never met to give you the comfort but who wants it. The comfort kills. Trying is enough. Appearing for the interview is enough. Let me give the best for it. What else is required?

The name gets called and I extended my right leg to respond to it. The journey has begun, lets take it to the safe shore if possible or drown. But start sailing the ship at least.

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Posted in Life

Physical illusion

When people have queries regarding career, life, relationships, etc., I have existential questions. These questions arise out of physical existence that visualize and hear through sensory organs. And the mind interprets it and a thought is born. That thought could be positive or negative depending on the things observed or heard. But it was the long years of conditioning that determined the observation to be positive or negative. For instance, visiting Golden Temple, Amritsar, you feel the magnificence and peace but that is momentary. As you come out of it, you see poor old men pulling cycle rickshaws. You don’t see the same magnificence or goodness or positivity outside. Looking at this face in the mirror, I hardly identify it. Looking at it gives a perception of looking at a stranger. Is it talking more to the inner self that is perceived differently, the reason for this weird thought?

This non relation with the physicality creates a lot of issues, especially being part of the physical society. Religion talks about spirituality, but what to do about this physical being that has its own set of principles and laws, that sometimes contradict the spiritual or moral laws. The lust, attraction, hunger, thirst, addiction, etc. are the things arising from this physicality. It is everything, a representative of the spiritual being in the outside court, but misrepresenting or misinterpreting it completely. This place thus looks illusionary and this physical being, an illusion.

 

Posted in Life

Why Quiet?

In the world where the conversations go into abyss, I am quiet.

Where no one understands but talks, I am quiet.

Where listeners are few and speakers are a lot, I am quiet.

Where rituals are forced, I am quiet.

Where judgement is thrown onto, I am quiet.

Where conditioning is so strong, I am quiet.

Where rebels are referred anti, I am quiet.

Where noble is helpless, I am quiet.

Where good is beaten up, I am quiet.

Where moral is ashamed, I am quiet.

Where nice suffers, I am quiet.

Where I talk in soliloquy, I am quiet.

Where there is no reciprocation, I am quiet.

Where definitions are misplaced and twisted, I am quiet.

Where I better be quiet.

Where I am in peace when quiet.

Thus I am quiet.

 

Posted in Life

The blue umbrella girl

A hackney carriage looks very impressive on the London streets. She took a ride in one such cab. While leaving and taking few steps ahead after bidding goodbye to the driver, she was in the state of shock for a moment. Looked like the time froze, and she felt numb. She turned back in a while, when the numbness was over. The cab has moved very far down the street where its blackness morphed with the charcoal colored road. She felt hopeless and ignored her state of mind that told her that she forgot something in the cab. Lately she has been feeling forgetful and drowsy. The time when she missed her flight due to the long time she took at a shopping center to buy a frying pan, was a recent instance that proved the point bang on.

“Where am I lost?”, she inquired herself. “Was it the song?”. The song that was playing on the stereo in the cab. “Quelqu’un m’a dit”  was the one. Standing on the same place where she saw the cab disappearing in  the distance, she felt lost. She felt lost without her blue umbrella. Somebody once asked its price and she replied, “Priceless”. Her priceless umbrella wasn’t with her. The hope of getting it back looked meek. After standing there for a while, she took the intended direction and walked slowly and cautiously. She again froze, when she heard somebody calling her. The cab driver wearing a herringbone hat, waved the blue umbrella and that was enough signal for her to rush towards it. The girl with the blue umbrella felt complete and back on track.

Posted in Life

Struggler

Entering into that big hall, he was bewildered by the fact that every inch was acquired by the candidates. There were few co-ordinators, who directed him to the big desk where he marked his attendance while submitting some documents asked in the invitation mail. He saw all around and every seat was taken. Finally found one in the middle of everything. He sat and contemplated. This was not new and as he was in final year of his graduation like million others, he got accustomed to it. Everyone was going through some notes of their own, some were looking into their resume as if seeing it for first time and getting awed by the achievements overly stated and some were chatting, finding it a perfect place to flirt with girls. It is then, the overpopulation hurts. It is everywhere. Or may be he followed the path travelled by the majority, “Engineering”. But looks like no field is spared. If you think about some idea, it has been out there from long.

It was in ’09 that he watched a movie “Luck By Chance”, one of the song depicted the same scene that he was going through. Although it was a movie audition scene that the actor was absorbing in but human feelings can be indifferent to the fields and ultimately rise beyond the state of a struggler equally in all spheres. The clock was ticking, and his turn came, he shifted from that hall to the interviewer cabin with a heavy feet and heart. There was agony and the fear of another rejection.

Posted in Life

Hate to love it

Hate to love it. Watching “A walk to remember”, an emotion enticing flick, doesn’t do any harm in the real sense. But getting the gist of it, reveals an important truth. Somehow a nice girl pulls out the good side of the bully, unintentionally. She doesn’t fall for him, but the guy himself goes into a transformation, all because of her, and becomes a sutaible one. Taking something out of it, the following question arises, do nice girls fall for bad guys? Watching another report, the person tells, “nice” girls see a bad guy as someone as an opportunity of improvising them or can be worked upon. So, they are happy to make that transformation happen.

In that case, not sure if nice guys either should feel happy that they don’t need any improvisation and are perfect or they should feel miserable that they won’t get a girl. But fortunately or unfortunately they get someone, if they really want to. Unfortunately because nice men make life boring, as they don’t have any ominous evil within them, that need to be worked upon by the dedicated and sincere worker; the nice girl. Looks like love is overrated. Married life needs dramas and imperfections that can be worked upon by the perfect brides. Undoubtedly, there is a scale invented by some women that can check and give an evil alert found in men, but vice-versa is not true.

Posted in Life, Thinker

Teaching fear

That tution point was a mockery of education, rather it stood for the money making intent only. There was no quality learning but rush of students can be seen due to cheaper fees. It was a double storeyed house where ground floor was rented by a self-proclaimed teacher who was under the impression that he knew science related subjects. The previous Physics tution teacher was well known, but there were circumstances that led to running away from there for the two and ending up here. The environment was different, mix of students from different classes could be seen loitering around, rather studying in the rooms. Simr entered there with Adrien to clear up some Physics chapters, wearing a T-shirt that read impossible. It was so correct. One of his classmate was standing in the corner, welcomed both of them. She flirted with him a little, teasing him over his impossible attitude. His counterpart was made fun of his lousy low waist jeans. For the records, his mother also once scolded him about that and publicly compared with Simr’s which was on spot, as per her. The curious cousin sister, standing behind his mother, took a look upon both jeans. That was funny.

Getting more into the complex, the classes were empty and the teacher didn’t look like one. Simr was skeptical about him. They both saw one computer room which was locked from inside. When knocked the scene looked tensed, they were permitted in but given no heed whatsoever. They took the seat and stared hard into the screen. An adult movie was running with full enthusiam. He was shocked as well as anxious at the same time. Coming out of there, he took a peek into one room and saw a student himself teaching two minors. More than teaching he was instilling fear into those two kids whose parents thought that they were in safe hands. The fear on their faces was palpable and it really made Simr sad but helpless. The education system is really making people burdensome with fear, rather empowered, he thought.

Posted in Life

I want to be simple

Religion is complex,

I want to be simple.

Marriage is ruthless,

I want to be simple.

Materials are posh,

I want to be simple.

Love defies logic,

I want to be simple.

Relationships break hearts,

I want to be simple.

God makes people weak,

I want to be simple.

Talking is dramatic,

I want to be simple.

Gatherings are awkard,

I want to be simple.

People won’t listen,

I want to be simple.

It’s a trap,

I want to be simple.

Peace is nowhere,

I want to be in peace.

Posted in Life, Poem

The merciless life

Harder I try,

more I get into it.

The swamp holds me tight,

Nothing seems right about it.

It is a long tale of bearing,

While sharing and caring.

But the world is mum,

With the dimwits not enough daring.

To uproot or uproar that loud,

But being a part of a crowd.

Comfortable and illusioned in their vibes,

Hallucinating single second in epicurean lives.

The slap is tight on the realized ones,

The reality strikes with the bombs.

It is better to be ignorant as the fools live,

No meaning should be made of this life, is what I think.

 

Posted in Life

The new city

The old city is far behind. But not the few whom I left. The place is empty and shall remain like that forever, is the bitter truth. Those are irreplaceable, is what I have known after four weeks of coming here, here in the new city. Still coming closer to the native is a sign, a sign of relief to meet the family more often. The new city bridges that gap, the gap which was there earlier to the native city. The new city offers promises and tells that it will take care of me like the older one did. It shows me the warmth with humidity that was absent in the older one. The warmth is overwhelming. I have asked it to become little cool like the old city. And looks like, the things are cooling down. Which is a good sign and removes one of the many complains. The use of auto rickshaw is too much that those drivers know me. Also after charging me highly, they justify it all through the way of source to destination. I can’t retaliate but agree.

The eyes seek pattern to match it with the old one. The mind try to match the places with the old one, but fails, which is reasonable. Life is on extremes, it never balances is what I have learnt all through this transition. This transition has come up with its own set of lessons. The stability, the comfort which was acquired in the old city with respect to friendships and professional expertise are on stake here, as the things will be worked out from scratch. The experience gained earlier will help in the onward journey is the only hope keeping me together in one piece under this huge pressure of proving myself once again. Hope things work out well.