Posted in Life

The dialogue

Like the soul that was in peace prior to the devil sold it an idea to get into this world with physical embodiment, promising greater capabilities to express its purest of ideas into this materialistic world, that eventually post birth brought more miseries and took away the protected peace, he was disturbed by the big thud of luggage put on the joint seat beside him by an another being. He recognized her as a girl in her mid 20’s. She then dramatically adjusted her top and put the luggage down to make herself a place to sit. She had two options, left of him or right of him, she chose the nearest to the deciding point, where she was standing which was left. He was sitting in the middle of a jointed seat that could accommodate three beings. Things were fine. He was surprised for a while but then came back to his meditative posture of not giving a damn or showing that the act hasn’t made any impact on his thought or even his physical process. He was looking all around but in her direction. He couldn’t deny that he felt her presence that disturbed him in some or other way. Her smell, for instance, was not that pleasant but gave an essence in his odor-less life. It belonged to some oil applied on the head, not able to distinguish it to identify, but it very much triggered him. Still the things were in control.

But then the houseflies and mosquitoes started lurking around the god-forbidden public place where he alighted the bus at 4 a.m. and was waiting for the metro station to open up, to take the 5 a.m. train to his place. Those organisms from hell, started irritating her. She was moving profusely to waive them away but the act was futile. They weren’t discriminating based on gender, and were hitting him with the same gusto, but he was responsive rather than being reactive like that girl. She was moving a lot, at the same time trying to watch the episode of “Mahadev” on her mobile, where Mohit Raina was enacting the main role. Coincidentally, the day was first Monday of monsoon, an auspicious day devoted to Shiva. And she looked like a big devotee of this lord. But wan’t able to control her reaction to the irritation that was caused by these little beings. He was also getting disturbed by her more than anyone else. His intuition kicked in suddenly, and asked him to talk to her. He wasn’t sure what to say. Every time she moved furiously, she would also put glimpse on him and he, behaving like a human, would also look towards her, to say something as appeared to her, but wouldn’t eventually. The conversation was happening in his head. It always had, being in 2008 or 2012 or 2016 or lately. He tried, but with a feeble voice that went unheard to the ears that wore earphones attached to her mobile phone. He got disheartened and after some time again gave a try, this time luckily heard or rather seen by her. His lips moved to make some meaningful statement as appeared to her. She nodded in agreement. He then gave the control to her, to create a two-way flow to the communication, but she didn’t. He made another attempt to ask her if she was waiting for a bus, to which she answered with the same motive that he was sitting there for. But he didn’t tell her, as he expected that she would question him and then he will answer. But she never questioned. Then he made his last attempt and asked one more question about the timing of the first metro train, to give her a hint that he was also waiting for it. But again the question was answered, without any cross question towards him. He was out of questions now, and sat quietly. He has prepared the dialogues beforehand. But it isn’t the ideal world or controlled by him, he understood. She stood up, took some time and collected the energy to pick up her luggage to move away and bid him, “OK, bye!”. He nodded in affirmative. Inside he shouted, “Wait let me accompany you as I am also intended to go to the same direction.”, but felt it needless. He went back to his thoughts, transformed from peaceful epiphany that he was into earlier, to cacophony of disturbance caused by her and self in equal measure. To try or not to try, was his question at the end. To lose peace or not to lose peace to regret later to lose peace, was his question. Either way it was about losing peace, since ever and everywhere. It was a lose-lose scenario, every time in his nihilistic world, is what he made inference in his life, every time.

Advertisements
Posted in Life

Malice

Religion talks about purity, spirituality, but what about this physicality that is far away from these words. It is indeed malice. Born out of lust, it exists by mere chance. Born out of science of hormones, the religion takes care thereafter, putting all wrong notions through conditioning, taking away the scientific element out of it. Later the realization can’t break or even oppose the strong tradition of lies served all through the childhood. Religion talks about staying away from anger, lust, enchantment, pride and illusion. But this body is made out of these things. So, these things cannot be separated, then why this hypocrisy of taboo and suppression in the society that causes more serious problems than any solution promised by this society. Only the inner self, the conscious can be termed as pure, which in complete realized state forms a better being, away from worldly affairs and defying the imperfections and flaws of this physicality.

But it seems that physicality matters more than the realized soul and thus the malice which is an expected behavior in the absence of the pure conscious, consequently miseries take form in this world. Living in a society of repression, repression of feelings, give rise to disorders that are visible in our ecosystem. Showing off a good gesture, when the whole world is looking and getting into the real dark path born out of physicality while no one watches is the bitter truth of the modern “educated” world. For instance, lust is misinterpreted into something pure and non existent term “love” to hide the real intentions and give the congressional act a pure label, which it isn’t. Everyone knows the gist of it. Same way many other deformations subdued to the societal devil, out of the malice that now we know.

Posted in Life

What is enlightenment?

There are many self-proclaimed enlightened souls wandering this earth, as they say. I heard them, and rather see hypocrisy, manipulation, superficiality. Burdened by the existential questions, which was a laborious task to reach out to after pondering from the higher level of problems, I faced in life, to this deepest level, with no solution whatsoever. Realization can take you to that level not higher but deeper into the dark black holes, where you are susceptible to these open-ended questions related to your own existence. Only enlightenment must get you the answer rather solution to this misery. Long back somebody left his luxurious and epicurean life to wander seeking for this antidote. He did experimentation and made his physical body suffer to an extreme pain of starvation. But I am uncertain when I hear that he was enlightened. I doubt it. Because if he was enlightened, why the cure to humanity wasn’t distributed. Why still there is a misery for the realized ones? May be he was enlightened for his own. A person can get enlightened for himself by the pain taken by himself and none other.

Then there is a lone path towards it and still it is not certain even after loads of pain taken. Is moving away from the society’s clutches, only way to initiate this streak? He was running away from death, illness, old age. But still if he was enlightened, why he died? So, his enlightenment theory doesn’t hold true. I defer it and proclaim that no one being enslaved in a human body can ever achieve enlightenment. I have real problems and for its solution I find a well promised description on a video where Sadhguru commits to answer a serious matter. But what I see is, making mockery of it rather than being serious about the problem. He entertains his illogical followers, because people like that. He has to play according to his fan base, he cannot be a sadist as the question demands him to be. No body except me will listen to him in that scenario where he sustains the integrity of the matter.

Thus enlightenment doesn’t exist like any other pure feeling or trait like love, etc.

 

Posted in Life

Rewiring 2.0

The instant you are born, the religious ceremonies start and welcome you in this freaking place. The life itself is so tormenting. And wasn’t enough that you get a tag of a specific religion, adding to the woes. Why it is tormenting? No question on the establishment of such institutions. I hope the older leaders who started it, had good intentions to create a better world, an improvised version. The foundation stood strong. But the later followers, started building their own creations of hypocrisies, lies, superstitions, etc, to twist a simple notion into complex rituals. And worst thing is, anyone questioning on such crap was dealt brutally and “religiously”. In 2016, I started feeling and hearing the meek voice of my conscious who revolted against the concept of “god”. In a world where, the statues are becoming more stronger than the real and feeble conscious, the wrong-doings of these religions cannot be ignored. The outside “god” is kept there to earn money and fill pockets of the committee members who run a successful and most-profitable business. They are richer than Ambanis, FIFA, ICC, US Government as they have added advantage of blind devoted followers, ready for massacring people on the roads in front of governments and police and even army.

Seeing such instances are enough, to check our own morality and sanity. Consequently, a weak try though, starts sparking the revolting fire within. I am not harming anyone with my discontinued faith in my own religion, yet I am made guilty by the blind followers of my own kind. You lose certain privileges when you rebel. The community first instill fear of insecurity into individuals and try to sell them cure in the form of religion. They even take money as a contribution towards building magnificent and gold covered religious buildings, outside the walls of which a 90 years old poor man pulls cycle – rickshaw. Imagine that scenery and tell me if I am right or wrong. In a world where Dalai Lama is wearing a Rolex watch and proclaims to be a monk, tell me and lie to me that you don’t see hypocrisy. And everything is normal.

 

Posted in Life

Rewiring 1.0

The conditioning is so strong that it can apparently make bad look good and reasonable. Why reasonable? In case you think, there is no reason given at all and in the name of the sanctity of the “traditions”, a lie is served and unfortunately the legacy goes on where the true meaning of legacy also gets ashamed of the twisted reality or modified definition by the ignorant public or blind followers. I myself was served a lie, that humans should eat animals (mutton, chicken) and treat is as normal. It is a food and should not be rejected or refused or condemned. I sat in a Gurudwara that announced on the microphone and to the outside world through disturbing loudspeakers, that Gurus talk about compassion. In a dining hall where food (langar) was served, I found that legitimate and reasonable food like mutton and chicken were absent. That should be my second clue about the lie after the primary being the talk about compassion. But I took my time to live with that lie until 2014, 26th April when I completely cut out the animal flesh from my diet.

While the date might look an overnight change, yet it was a long persistent effort by the sane mind to throw away the conditioning over the time. It started with liking a Vegan based Facebook page that talked reason and truth. Also seeing a horrific scene near K.R. Puram in Bangalore, impacted me and added a stronger chapter in the hypothetical book called “Reasons to abstain eating meat”. 25th April, 2014 was the last time I ate chicken and never again touched it even. Hopefully the rewiring succeeded after a long fought arguments in the court of mind.

Posted in Life

A Conversation

After signing the visitor’s register, was directed to a room. A room filled with candidates, more than I expected. I heard through some trusted source that openings are very limited. But it was a Saturday morning in a country whose every nook and corner is filled. The situation never changes but becomes pathetic day by day and worsening. Remembering the walk out of a prestigious engineering exam center ten years back and finding myself among many, surrounded completely, hasn’t changed anywhere since then. Took a seat and the flow of candidates was down pouring like the August rain in Dehradun; never-ending it was. Sitting quietly, the conversation started within. The two companions of mine, one positive and another contrary started playing their usual chords. “You should run away. Don’t you see the influx of the audience, who came to actively participate in the play titled- ‘Job’?”.

It continued, “There could be one opening as stated by the source, and there could be a best candidate sitting somewhere in the room”. I started glancing the yellow shirt guy who appeared and sat in the chair that was facing me. I could feel the confidence in his eyes. I took an assumption and declared him the best one. The good came again in picture. “The best might not give his best today. But you can try to give your best that can certainly overwhelm and win you the job”. I gave my complete consideration and virtual nod to this point. Let me be me. The expectations are never met to give you the comfort but who wants it. The comfort kills. Trying is enough. Appearing for the interview is enough. Let me give the best for it. What else is required?

The name gets called and I extended my right leg to respond to it. The journey has begun, lets take it to the safe shore if possible or drown. But start sailing the ship at least.

Posted in Life

Physical illusion

When people have queries regarding career, life, relationships, etc., I have existential questions. These questions arise out of physical existence that visualize and hear through sensory organs. And the mind interprets it and a thought is born. That thought could be positive or negative depending on the things observed or heard. But it was the long years of conditioning that determined the observation to be positive or negative. For instance, visiting Golden Temple, Amritsar, you feel the magnificence and peace but that is momentary. As you come out of it, you see poor old men pulling cycle rickshaws. You don’t see the same magnificence or goodness or positivity outside. Looking at this face in the mirror, I hardly identify it. Looking at it gives a perception of looking at a stranger. Is it talking more to the inner self that is perceived differently, the reason for this weird thought?

This non relation with the physicality creates a lot of issues, especially being part of the physical society. Religion talks about spirituality, but what to do about this physical being that has its own set of principles and laws, that sometimes contradict the spiritual or moral laws. The lust, attraction, hunger, thirst, addiction, etc. are the things arising from this physicality. It is everything, a representative of the spiritual being in the outside court, but misrepresenting or misinterpreting it completely. This place thus looks illusionary and this physical being, an illusion.

 

Posted in Life

Why Quiet?

In the world where the conversations go into abyss, I am quiet.

Where no one understands but talks, I am quiet.

Where listeners are few and speakers are a lot, I am quiet.

Where rituals are forced, I am quiet.

Where judgement is thrown onto, I am quiet.

Where conditioning is so strong, I am quiet.

Where rebels are referred anti, I am quiet.

Where noble is helpless, I am quiet.

Where good is beaten up, I am quiet.

Where moral is ashamed, I am quiet.

Where nice suffers, I am quiet.

Where I talk in soliloquy, I am quiet.

Where there is no reciprocation, I am quiet.

Where definitions are misplaced and twisted, I am quiet.

Where I better be quiet.

Where I am in peace when quiet.

Thus I am quiet.

 

Posted in Life

The blue umbrella girl

A hackney carriage looks very impressive on the London streets. She took a ride in one such cab. While leaving and taking few steps ahead after bidding goodbye to the driver, she was in the state of shock for a moment. Looked like the time froze, and she felt numb. She turned back in a while, when the numbness was over. The cab has moved very far down the street where its blackness morphed with the charcoal colored road. She felt hopeless and ignored her state of mind that told her that she forgot something in the cab. Lately she has been feeling forgetful and drowsy. The time when she missed her flight due to the long time she took at a shopping center to buy a frying pan, was a recent instance that proved the point bang on.

“Where am I lost?”, she inquired herself. “Was it the song?”. The song that was playing on the stereo in the cab. “Quelqu’un m’a dit”  was the one. Standing on the same place where she saw the cab disappearing in  the distance, she felt lost. She felt lost without her blue umbrella. Somebody once asked its price and she replied, “Priceless”. Her priceless umbrella wasn’t with her. The hope of getting it back looked meek. After standing there for a while, she took the intended direction and walked slowly and cautiously. She again froze, when she heard somebody calling her. The cab driver wearing a herringbone hat, waved the blue umbrella and that was enough signal for her to rush towards it. The girl with the blue umbrella felt complete and back on track.

Posted in Life

Struggler

Entering into that big hall, he was bewildered by the fact that every inch was acquired by the candidates. There were few co-ordinators, who directed him to the big desk where he marked his attendance while submitting some documents asked in the invitation mail. He saw all around and every seat was taken. Finally found one in the middle of everything. He sat and contemplated. This was not new and as he was in final year of his graduation like million others, he got accustomed to it. Everyone was going through some notes of their own, some were looking into their resume as if seeing it for first time and getting awed by the achievements overly stated and some were chatting, finding it a perfect place to flirt with girls. It is then, the overpopulation hurts. It is everywhere. Or may be he followed the path travelled by the majority, “Engineering”. But looks like no field is spared. If you think about some idea, it has been out there from long.

It was in ’09 that he watched a movie “Luck By Chance”, one of the song depicted the same scene that he was going through. Although it was a movie audition scene that the actor was absorbing in but human feelings can be indifferent to the fields and ultimately rise beyond the state of a struggler equally in all spheres. The clock was ticking, and his turn came, he shifted from that hall to the interviewer cabin with a heavy feet and heart. There was agony and the fear of another rejection.