Is it possible to have it? People will say yes. But I am talking from the perspective of a guy having attraction towards a girl. Could it be platonic? Falling for a girl on the basis of her intellect and temperament. In college, I saw desperate guys looking onto beautiful girls or for the matter of fact, girls who had assets that I don’t want to discuss owing to the title of this article. While writing this, indeed I am feeling platonic that is helping me in suppressing my hormonal outbursts. At the age when the physicality was a mystery and the existential questions never crossed minds, also the time when there was indifference towards the physical attributes of other beings, the attraction was pure. What if that kind of thinking extends into adolescence. But sadly it doesn’t.
I remember, one of my friend asking me “Did you see that girl? Did you like her?”, pointing to a girl crossing the road, and I answered, being his pillion ride, with the phrase that only focused her face. And he mocked me saying, “Were you only looking at her face?” It took me seconds to realize what he meant and the self doubt arose that made me quiet and contemplate for a while. Going into college, didn’t change things for me. I acknowledged the looks but nature was paramount. Honestly, I saw dark hearts of most of the “beautiful” girls and discovered gold stash of humbleness in others. Flirtations never was my cup of tea. And I showed indifference to every female counterpart except very few with whom I felt a platonic connection but that wasn’t enought to keep them as the motive is always physical at the end, is what I understood.
Gilleruma was at work, when he heard the sad demise of his uncle. Living far away from his native, he was not able to attend the funeral. But got to know that Harlene was there. It had been a while that he saw her. Last time she met just before leaving India, to pursue higher education in Russia. They were close long back. The relationship became so intimate that time, that they crossed all boundaries. Those memories freshen up, hearing her sobbing voice on phone. The intent was, however, different. The situation made him console her on the paternal loss. He explained, his absence, which was long distance, but she was broke. He asked her to visit him, if she could, but she was still dissatisfied. Nothing could have been done at that point. He had pressure of work assignments. He couldn’t take even a day off. And this had been his excuse from long time. In school, he was busy with studies, in college he was scared of getting flunked, so gave extra focus to the useless lectures. And now he was senior consultant, and had bigger responsibilities to be carried over to get promotions and rewards. He missed her, her voice was the only thing palpable and sensory to him, after the phone call. Her image had melted into the thousands evenings, faded completely over the course of time. Her smell was lost into the office melancholies. Her coolness of ebony hair curls was forgotten over the black days of lonesome nights. Gilleruma got into his work as usual.
One day, out of nowhere, she appeared on his address. It was nice to see her after almost 10 years. They talked their hearts out, overwhelming each other with the mere presence. The light looked bright as the conversation grew deep. The old love and fondness was revived. And they forgot as the time lapsed and leaped. They got lost into each other while having a sumptuous cuisine that night. Nevertheless, tiredness proclaimed its share of sleep, eventually. And both subdued and bid good night as they departed to separate beds. But this separation made them hard to sleep and the agony started burning on heightened flames, couldn’t be extinguished owing to its socially wrecking nature.
Travelling back home, he looked at his co passenger for the first time after settling his luggage initially (which was one hell of a task) and collecting his composure on one of the hottest days of May. He was surprised, it was her. Still young and fresh like she was in that coaching center where they prepare you for engineering entrance tests. So many years have passed till this day, and here they were, in the vicinity of the second seater compartment of Janshatabdi Express, waiting on the platform number 13 for unknown reasons, passed its scheduled time of arrival by a complete 10 minutes. It was a long journey from Toronto to New Delhi, and now he was only 6 hours away from his destination. Their eyes met and greetings were shared but in a lackadaisical way. May be the outer feelings showcased obverse implications on the receptors. The past would have been enough to ignite even little anxiety inside, and it surely did but hidden under the layers of social values and owing to the intoversion nature which both of them possessed. She was married now and having a beautiful kid back home waiting for her arrival after she gave her promotional banking exam in Delhi on same day. She worked as a clerk in a bank at her native. They were quiet, but in their respective soliloquies, so many questions erupted at once. The situation became awkward but being introverts, they took the responsiblities of it on themselves.
The train was on full swing, and he inquired about her life and career. She gave brief answers with the same old sensitive and heart touching voice she always had. She looked happy, not sure it was due to his presence or her life. Back then, they had feelings for each other, but never outspoken. The inkling remained dormant deep inside. The words never looked sufficient to express the feelings they had in their introverted world, then. So, the hints and assumptions made its way that never helped them. The time passed quickly and one day he saw her wedding photos in her facebook profile. She looked stunning and delectable. She looked like an impossible dream to him, drifted farther away by the wind of social stigma. And then he wanted to move more distant, out of her way forever. But on the twenty first day of May, they were sitting together, speaking occassionally, so that the inactive valcano of feelings doesn’t get erupted again. The destination came and he bid her farewell, as her family was waiting on the platform. She didn’t make eye contact and left taking lousy steps. The weather was cool after the sudden rain pour, he felt the shiver standing outside the railway station. But looking at her from far, smiling, warmth his heart. He signalled an auto to take him home. She, sitting amidst her husband and kid, looked at him for the last time and wondered about the reason why he didn’t marry. Was she the reason?, the thought resonated and echoed inside quadrupled without an anwer.
It was back then in school, when an intriguing story of two lovers caught my eyes. It was part of our curriculum that featured a protagonist who revealed to his audience that he met a couple living in an island with minimal goods but an eternal power of love binding them strongly. Going back to their history, it gave a shock to the protagonist, that the girl was the popular princess of one kingdom that made a news very long back when she eloped with her poor lover, a common dweller in her father’s kingdom. So, he found a treasurable love, the love that didn’t diminish over the long period of time. They had nothing fancy, but had enough in the form of their togetherness.
Is it real? The true love? A relationship that is above all superficialities, misunderstandings. A love that is platonic, thoughtful, committed, honest, sincere. Hard to observe such examples in today’s world. Most of such things are seen in movies or books. Both looks as an ideal dream of a perfectionist who wandered earlier to find it in a real world. And after observing its impossibilities, turned inward to write an imagination, an ideal scenario on paper. An ideal scenario of true love.
Last time it was summer of 2012, when Darren lost the first battle due to his philosophy that people will wait for him. He was wrong and has been wrong for most of his life on this particular front. The front of love, affection, relationship. Nobody waits, atleast after throwing so many cueballs. But our guy is rational bastard, and seeks saneness in every action and conversation. He tries to break the code and seldom believes in the thought of defying logic which is contrary to the philosophy of love or affection.
So, it happened again. But the guy is reasonable in his approach. Being an introvert and empathetic, forcing his emotions on other person is not a piece of cake. The social anxiety had restricted him to encounter any easy and direct interaction with others. It takes longer to understand the other person and our guy takes little steps in such endeavours. But the world is in a big hurry, may be they have multiple options to choose from. But he doesn’t have that luxury. Like the April 2012 fiasco, the latest tragedy was absorbed very laboriously. And hopefully the pain will get off his back soon.
The school bus was rushing down the road towards the school football field to carry out Inter-School football championship. There were 4 houses in the school which has boys and girls teams for each house. The bus driver sparked a feeling when he put on a romantic song on stereo. The weather was cool as it should be in the month of July when it use to rain everyday due to the monsoon affect. Greenery could be seen everywhere and this football field was out of the city, near the hills and filled with quiet. Only you could hear the attributes of nature. It felt so much nature around you when you were there. The matches started. Simr’s house team lost but the girls from the same house were victorious. The girl captain was the apple of his eyes. He was captivated by her fair skin and light colored hair. He was stung by the beauty of this damsel.
While playing it started raining. And they continued playing in the rain. Then it was time to sit in the bus and head back towards school. Sitting in the last seat of the bus with two of his friends, Simr was constantly thinking about her. Then that girl’s friends (two of them) came and chose the seat one up row from where Simr was sitting. And when that girl came, the girls waved to her to come to them. She came and sat with them in the seat which could probably made to hold two persons. They adjusted and provided her with some space to sit. She made bun out of her wet hair and her skin was glowing more than usual as it was drenched with rain. Sitting in the back seat Simr could feel her hair so close or her altogether. For him that ride back to school was mersmerized and beautiful. A strong feeling of affection took over his thoughts. He was feeling drowned in the pool of love. But it was a comforting feeling. That feeling was so pure, it doesn’t require to express itself to the concerned person. That feeling was far from the clutches of lust. That feeling doesn’t have the urge to possess or acquire that person instantly. It was a spiritual feeling.