“Time has come to say goodbye, say goodbye,
Hearts are heavy and they sigh, they sigh”.
It is really that hard to say goodbyes. That feeling itself, gives an agony to the loins. Fills the heart with the immense ocean of sadness. But being mature, Simr pretends, that nothing moved, it is all calm outside but the inside the agony is same as he felt when he was a kid. He remembers, bidding goodbye to his uncle and aunt that day, but didn’t find his cousin, as she rushed inside home when noone noticed. That is kind of fear of goodbyes. The feeling tears you apart and it doesn’t matter if you are mature or a kid. Only difference is, as an adult you have to move on.
Bidding farewell to the collegue, that day, again instantiated that feeling. The thing is, this looks like a cycle that repeats frequently. The goodbye situation triggers engrams, the traces of same old traumas that freshen up those old wounds. The old cuts are open again and exposed to the merciless and powerful time, which is playing us. Same instance reminds all the old memories from the school, college, family. So, it is just temporary pleasurable moments and permanent drifts that we face in our life. So, the pain can be seen in the beautiful lines below.
“Adieu, Adieu my fried, Adieu, Adieu, Adieu,
We can no longer stay with you, stay with you”.
She was slow, as can be seen from her driving speed that showed consistency at 20km /hr at any circumstances, while going to school. Her voice was so thin that once reading the story of poor Mrs Hereira from the textbook, it looked like she would start crying. She was not weak but very sensitive and felt the emotions strongly and affectionately. Her strength could be seen when she beautifully showcased her feeling, feeling of love to the lucky guy. It was clear and strong but the receiving end was dumb enough to ignore it. And the luck was not ready to plummet, and provided more opportunities and chances for the two souls to get together. But as fate had it, it all went in vain. The beautiful girl owing to her nominal pace gave fair chance to him. But the guy owing to his own obligations and rationality, ignored, ignored and ignored. And till the time, this late bloomer, analysed the things, it was already very late. Still the girl had feelings for him for 3 more years after they moved out of school.
During that time the guy tried to talk her out, but failed miserably. He didn’t have the art to woo a girl. And one day, when he tried to move a step forward, came crashing down in the conversation. A girl that can love somebody so passionately, can hate him, too with same intensity. And the reason of hate was valid and legitimate. She mentioned, “Her second love is more fruitful than the one sided first love”. The curse, was so strong that the effect is omnipresent. The curse, that he got while not obliging to the true value of the true love.
The plan was clear by the school principal Mrs. Gilmore. The plan to take the new class twelth science students to the Science exhibition at St. Sherman school. Simr was all set but after the assembly, was taken out of the queue on the instructions of strict Mrs Gilmore. He was not in a proper uniform, the vest was missing. Through the white school shirt, it was very much evident. It was embarrassing, that the crime was announced aloud. But he was shortly joined by two more of his classmates, Regan and Vaizan, for some or the other reasons related to the uniform mishap. Regan was as close to him as the proximity between their homes. All three were waiting patiently for the next instructions, standing on the wide assembly area. The sermon came, they had to pack their bags and need to leave for the day to their homes. The punishment intended them to miss the exhibition. And they accepted that fact. Following each other, they went into the classroom, disturbing the sanctity of the educational environment, looked upon with the revulting eyes of the fellows.
They were guided to the exit gate by the computer teacher. And were left on their own thereafter. They were still shocked but digged on the lunchbox of Vaizan to enjoy noodles. They wandered for some time all through Curzon road before bidding goodbye while divulging their ways to respective homes. Simr slept for a while and after waking up decided to get textbooks for the new session, that started already. He bought the books and in a sheer coincidence, met his classmate Miss P, who also enjoyed the title of being his secret crush. To make things awkward, Simr was spellbound and left the place quickly. While going back he just took a look at her, she was standing by a two wheeler, smile on her lips and curly hair falling on one side of her face. Her rosy cheeks, proliferating beautiful radiance into his dull life.
He was lost in love. His one-sided love. Whoever looking into his case would say “he is a coward”. But really it was the fear of rejection that haunted him. And moreover he was happy and contented with his love. Looking at her was enough for his heart to race uncontrollably. In the school premises, he contained within him the secret of liking her so well that his closest peers were clueless. But then the fight happened and cards were revealed. The story that started from January reached the ugliest month of September. This month has troubled him a lot in the past and will in the future too. And as his favorite band GreenDay told “Wake me up when September ends”, he was very much convinced that September should end as soon as possible for one or the other reasons.
So, September came, and with it came the day when his girl was teased by some brat. He was unaware of the incident but the next day brought a big limelight on the matter. And as a secret admirer of her charm and protector of her dignity, he came up without a second thought to face the villain. But who is the villain was his question. As a matter of fact his friend was a part of a dignified group who brought justices to the poor students by fighting for them. And Simr, the guy in love has to reveal everything to him to get the support and blessing of the group. He was invited for the mission to join the group who intended to add another chapter in their book of conquests. So they were ready at an undisclosed location A, waiting for the villain to arrive. The mighty arrived soon and realized the gravity of the situation. First the crime done by him was narrated, and the intention was also made very clear. But the mission was interrupted when a savior came from no where to support the wrong. The guy was older and made the justice group realize his position of influence. He knew many popular people who could bring the group on its knees. So, long story short, mission was aborted.
The lost warriors came to another undisclosed low profile location B, where they met their followers and sister groups. The tale of setting sun on their shores were narrated to the keen ears. It helped in the sense that one person from the audience knew the home location of older guy who made the mission fail. So, the group rejuvenated and headed towards the compromised location. The situation changed, the older guy’s attitude and manner came along the good lines and he was no more aggressive. But this time the group was furious. Consequently, the anger was vented out on the older guy in the dark of course. The enemy of the justice was down and the group cheered and went off. Next day the story penetrated all through the school’s classrooms and playgrounds. And the one name that shook people’s mind was that of our own, the very shy, the very weak, the smiling idiot, the lover guy himself. Investigation was made on where the group was as they bunked or in good words sacrificed their maths class to carry on with their “saving the world” attitude. But no one opened their mouths.
The battle lost its focus due to the distraction but the intention was made very clear in the minds of those who hated justice. The tale became legacy and still got passed onto the younger generation of the school, so that no crime should go unpunished in the future too.
It was a nice morning which was spoiled by the smell of chemicals in the school chemistry lab. As an irony, the students were taking theoretical notes from the teacher’s board in the “practical lab”. Sabal was standing alone owning the whole bench and smelling the mixed smell of chemicals kept in the shelves dividing his bench with the one where three girls stood. He was diligently copying everything like it was some formula to rescue the dying world. He was unaware of his classmate Miss J presence on the other side of the shelves. Among the three girls she was the one having some dire and mysterious plan. She suddenly came out of the blue and appeared on the canvas of otherwise colorless life of Sabal and started painting with her soothing voice. She stood besides him as close as pedants by their books.
She started copying the notes from his and Sabal was awestruck but controlled himself. And he was able to, due to his commitment to another closed door he was looking for several months that never opened. Here there was an open invitation of an open door literally but he was stung by someone else. Not sure if it is a human tendency or stupidity to ignore the signs of an open door but looking constantly on a closed one all through the time and feeling resented ultimately. At the end the thought of those small or sometimes strong signals giving clue to an open door looks meaningful and the clouds of regrets come enshrouding the subject.
It was end of the the first semester with the gift of exams, and that too at a distant and separate college as a test center. The last exam was a reliever and while coming out of the exam room, Simr was exhilarated but also at the same time needed an urge to use the privy. One more friend joined him in his quest to find the restroom which was looking impossible as they moved up and down the floors. Finally they saw one that seemed gender unbiased as no indication whatsoever was put on the door. They went inside, it was quiet and there were compartments and no urinals. That should be their first clue, but they were too stupid to think as the priority was overwhelming.
They went in. Simr was the first one to come out and BOOM! Two girls were standing near the basin looking puzzled at him. It was an embarrassing time, which felt longer. But he collected his courage and walked towards the basin with eyes grounded and washed his hands to show the ladies of the house, his healthy upbringing obviously. The manners were outshone to dazzle them, and stole the moments to get out of there before anyone screamed or even fainted. He didn’t care about his partner in crime who was still relieving himself and feeling exulted doing that.Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but then reality strikes which conveys the information about your stupidity. Simr didn’t stop until the college entrance gate was behind him. No fuss was made, no one came to know. Everything was fine. He didn’t even asked the other friend about the later part of the story at the crime scene when they both met after the winter break.
I was standing on the platform number 11, where my train was resting but the doors were bolted as, some cleaning was going on inside. Therefore, I was outside, waiting for it to open, so that I can sprung upon my seat and take some rest after an earlier journey. I was heading to my hometown. And was feeling a little generous while beggars were pouring in and asking for alms. But at one point I got frustrated and I started refusing them, saying that I don’t have change. Until a cute small girl came and as usual I thought she is one of them. Felt a heart melt, so I checked my wallet. But I only had Re. 1 coin. I felt ashamed but I gave it to her. The incident after that shook me from head to toe. She put the coin back to my pocket while she said something. I was anticipating that she refused Re 1 alms, as it was below her standards. But then I saw pens in her hand which she was trying to sell to me. But as I got accustomed with experiencing beggars, I imagined her from same perspective which went wrong. And as I gained the outer world’s consciousness and looked around, she was gone. And it was after two minutes from the incident that I analyzed what she probably was muttering. While she was putting back that Re 1 in my pocket, she said, ” I don’t take money like that, I am selling pens” I really felt embarrassed and a condescending fool. What I was thinking of her?
It was the 28th time that I was getting ready for a job hiring call. It was too early for the winter morning with darkness all around. The whole colony was sleeping, except my dreams which were burning yellow and red furiously like a sun. I started from home and it was still dark, no sign of sun anywhere. Looked like he is dead. Reached the metro station and caught the first metro train of the day. Reached Noida station and moved out to catch those lousy city buses advertising and lauding state government’s policies. Sat at those last seats to get a bumpy rides which can take me to the knowledge park where in one of the Engineering college, this big blue company was arriving to hire the prospective IBMers. It was then I looked sideways on the right to peek out of the foggy window,there I can see the projection of my burning dream, in its initial stage obviously. In that winter morning, it looked weak but with unparalleled potential. The rising sun, was so weak that I could look into it directly without blinking my eyes. But the sensation of rising of the star, gave me moist eyes, as I compared it with my big dreams. I didn’t had any food that day, as the tension of hiring process was clearly there in the mind and also the hunger was different that day, to acquire success. The first round got cleared, the second one too and then I faced the interviewer who was very much interested in what asset of mine, I can bring forth to his organization. It got cleared too without a big fuss, and documentation was done. It got too late. I was still mystified and in the state of shock inside, but outside of me appeared in contradiction. The journey took reverse gear and I caught the second last metro of that day. Reached my destination, had my first meal of that day and felt contented with both hungers, success and food.
It was the time when Simr got ill in Delhi and when gone through tests, diagnosed with Dengue. So it was a tough decision to get admitted to the hospital in Delhi or go back to home where he will get more care amidst his family. He chose later. In the morning he was at home. The platelets were going down at an alarming rate and at last the doctor suggested him to get admitted. The other problem erupted when ECG was done, the heart beat got slower, around 45Beats/min. So, was admitted to ICU.
The ICU of this big hospital was terrifying. In that ICU only two patients were conscious, one person in Bed No. 14 and other one Simr. Other people were not having any know how of the outside world. There was a lady on right side bed of Simr’s bed and on the left was the small toilet which served as horrible smelling place. So, things were worst. This person on Bed No. 14 lying on the bed opposite to Simr’s bed looked mysterious. He use to go toilet frequently. Simr had a doubt may be he is a drug addict. Apart from that nurses were there who were taking care of patients.There was only two times in the day when family could meet you. The clock was hanging on the opposite wall. So most of the time was spent watching it and waiting it to strike 1 PM in the noon and 7PM in the evening. Those three days were horrible and to move out from there appeared to be his million dollar dream that time.
On Simr’s last day in ICU before moving to private ward the lady on the right side bed died. Came to know when the nurses wrapped her tight in the white cloth.
That time also has funny part in the sense, being the rarest cases of dengue in the hometown, it caught media attention. Media person came to the private ward with a Senior doctor who asked Simr’s well being not out of caring nature but out of formality in front of newspaper’s cameraman. The next day someone in the hospital brought Hindustan newspaper to show Simr his photograph in the front page. It was a nice picture. He really looked lost and ill as the newspaper intended.
It was a normal day at school and History class was going on. The teacher instructed students to go through the chapter again which was finished in the last class. Simr was sitting at the last bench and the girl besides him was busy talking to the girl sitthing in the bench in the second column and last row. Simr took his tiffin out to get it finished in that class itself. Two reasons for it: Firstly, their interval time included only 20 minutes. Secondly, they use to play cricket with their lunchboxes as bats and paper crushed to form ball. But before playing they need to finish their lunch so that the box could easily be handled as bat. To save time or get more time to play one of his friend started the tradition of eating lunch in the class itself. So, getting inspired from him, Simr too tried it for the first time that day. No one in the class was knowing what is happening in the last bench. Even the girl sitting besides him was unaware.
The morsel was in the mouth when he saw the teacher standing close to his desk. He became so much engaged in eating that didn’t noticed the teacher got aware of his whereabouts. The teacher took him with her without uttering a word, it was then Simr got the attention from the crowd. The morsel was still there in mouth and he was chewing it slowly to get rid of it. He was made to stand facing the wall. But shortly called by teacher who asked if he knew why he was punished. He nodded and on the promise to never do it again was released. The good thing was classmates were confused why Simr was taken out like that. Nevertheless Simr didn’t say a word to them on what had happened. That day they utilized the full productivity of 20 minutes of playing.